Mirror Vision
by Blcklagoon
Summary: At a medical seminar, Beverly Crusher meets a new friend whose story of frustrated love is eerily similar. Can the lessons learned change her fate? Or will fate rob her of a second chance?


Picard sat at his desk computer console with a croissant hanging half out of his mouth.

Captain's Log: Personal

No breakfast companion this morning. Beverly is planetside on Muretta for a medical symposium. Three days. The dedicated professional, she is working toward yet another accreditation. I don't know where she finds the drive. Then again, I suppose archeology is no more exciting to her than viral coatings are to me. The Enterprise will be occupied at Starbase 342 with repairs and restocks, but things just aren't the same without the CMO.

* * *

"Whew." Beverly let out a sharp sigh. Lunch. This was certainly not what she had in mind when she contacted Starfleet about field study workshops. *I'd rather listen to one of Jean-Luc's rock lectures,* she thought to herself. Rubbing her temples, she waited for the bulk of the attendees to leave the auditorium.

As the group filed past, her eye was caught by a female doctor, about her age, surrounded by several younger men. She, too, was a commander. The men around her were mostly lieutenants, probably residents. They fled quickly when Admiral Dacota approached. The admiral gave the commander a warm hug and escorted her up the ramp toward the lobby.

Beverly continued to watch them walk out, transfixed by the woman's genuine smile. She was shorter, with blonde hair and a physical build. Attractive by any standards, she bantered with the elderly Dacota like a favorite grand-daughter. Compassion. Beverly intuitively knew she liked this doctor.

"Dr. Crusher?"

She snapped her eyes up and blushed at having been caught staring. "Jamie, Tarrel, what are you doing this far out?" Two former research assistants shook her hand warmly as she stood.

"Us?! What about you?" Tarrel motioned toward the lobby door. "Last I heard, you were heading up Starfleet Med. What is this? A long field trip?"

"No. I'm back on the Enterprise. It seems they couldn't manage to get into any *really* good trouble without me on board. Let's eat!" She followed them to a table. There, they ate sandwiches and swapped highly-exaggerated stories of medical adventure.

After lunch, Beverly managed, somewhat nonchalantly, to mingle her way over to Admiral Dacota. "Doctor." She nodded respectfully.

The older man focused on her features and brightened with recognition. He clasped her by the shoulders. "Why if it isn't Beverly Howard! Have you managed to graduate from medical school yet, dear?"

"No, Sir." Beverly teased. "I've been having some trouble with exo-biology. Know a good tutor?"

The Admiral turned to the man he'd been speaking with. "Capt. Moore, do you know Beverly Crusher? They let her hand out aspirin on Starfleet's flagship."

"Yes, of course. And from the papers of yours I've read, I should consider myself fortunate for the honor!"

Crusher smiled. "Boy, between the two of you, my ego could get a nice workout! Can I buy you a drink, Admiral?"

They walked over to the bar and the Admiral ordered two lemonades. Again Beverly spotted the blonde doctor laughing at a corner table. Dacota followed her gaze. "I see you've spotted my girlfriend."

"Huh?"

"Well, if you recall, some young whipper-snapper beat me to you. Would you like to meet her?" He was already walking away from the bar.

"Ah, yeah, sure." Beverly tried to sound casual.

"Dr. Beverly Crusher...Dr. Katherine Ferris of the USS Brittain."

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Doctor." Crusher offered.

"Bev thinks I should be jealous with all these young bucks giving my girl goo-goo eyes." The Admiral interjected playfully, his arm around Ferris' waist.

Katherine ignored him. "The pleasure is mine. I understand you serve aboard the Enterprise? That must be very exciting." She added pleasantly.

"Yes. I do...and it is." Beverly noticed a peculiar squint of the woman's eyes. "Is there something wrong?"

"No, of course not, it's just that you look very familiar to me. If you don't mind me asking, when did you attend Starfleet Medical?"

"I graduated in 2350." Beverly answered not sure why admitting that made her uncomfortable.

"I managed to graduate in 2352." Katherine smiled. She squinted again then nodded to herself. "You tutored my exobiology lab."

"Oh, god! How could you possibly remember that?" Beverly skeptically shook her head.

"Easy. You were pregnant." Katherine answered matter-of-factly.

"Ah, yes." Beverly nodded. "My water broke halfway through my Anatomy Lab final."

This was it for the admiral. "Well, if you two are going to talk girl-stuff, I'm leaving." Dacota kissed them both lightly on the cheeks. "Besides, my lecture is next - gotta memorize my lines!"

Both doctors cringed at the thought of returning to the lecture hall. "What do you say we skip the afternoon session and check out the promenade?"

"Do you think it's a good idea to miss Admiral Dacota's lesson?"

"Listen," retorted Beverly. "I spent two years in a lab with Thadore Dacota - he only has one lecture and I've heard it four times."

"Give me the short version!" Katherine smiled and they headed toward the shopping district.

* * *

"What time is it, Katherine?"

"1330. Wanna stop for a bite to eat?"

"Yeah, something lite." Beverly had generally considered herself slow to warm up to strangers, especially women. She didn't like that feminine competition that surfaced in gatherings of mixed company. She was often thankful for the "professional, widow role" that allowed her to bow out of the not-always-so-casual play for men's attention. Of course, it didn't help that her best friend was beautiful, Betazoid and ten years younger.

On the other hand, she could see that Katherine Ferris was her kindred spirit. Beverly thought she was captivating, but her beauty came from a complete lack of attention to her effect on others. It gave her an aloofness that was compounded by her formal, accented speech.

"I'd like tea, Earl Grey."

Beverly snapped to attention - that accent!

"And how would you like your tea, Ma'am?" Asked the waiter.

"Cold, on ice if you have it." Katherine looked at her new friend. "What's so funny?"

"Nothing, I'm sorry. It's just that you reminded me of someone just now."

"Oh yeah, and who might be the person that could make you blush so?"

Beverly shook her head. "Now that story could take us clean through dinner!"

* * *

The waiter returned to fill Katherine's glass for the third time.

"...So my grandmother and I just broke everything down into its chemical components and extrapolated out there effects."

"How did you test the dosages and combinations?"

"We didn't. I mean, things had gotten pretty desperate - people were going to die no matter what we did. Of course, we didn't want to make things worse, so we started with the most simple and gradually worked toward more complex prescriptions. I say *I*, but Nana was the real genius. She just seemed to know what would work."

Ferris marveled at the thought of practicing without the benefit of even simple diagnostics. "Did she publish?"

"Well, she was much more of a field healer. She thought that pure science was for the young. She never wrote anything down. I kept journals of what she did as best I could. They even helped me get into Starfleet Med. But I can't say I ever really understood it until I tried to reconstruct the research about ten years ago. Some of the compounds we used are in widespread use today. It sure took me a long time to back up her 'applied theory' though. I've gotten several papers into the journals - I wrote them under her name," she added with a distant tone.

"What was that?" coaxed Katherine.

"What was what?"

"Her name."

"Oh, ...Felicia, ...Felicia Howard."

The two women sat in silence. Katherine wanted to let Beverly have her thoughts in private. After a few moments, she blinked away the cobwebs of the past and smiled. "So why the heck are we talking about me so much anyway?"

"Because you're the interesting one."

"Hah!" Beverly laughed. "That's what you think."

"Hey, since we've decided to play hooky...Let's head out to the Racemose Caverns and see if we can find some bioluminant osteichthyes."

"Some bio-what whos?"

"Phosphorescent fish!" Katherine retorted, gathering up her bags. "Let me drop this stuff off at my room first."

Beverly followed shaking her head. "I think you took the exobiology stuff a bit too far!"

"What can I say? You taught me everything I know."

"I can assure you I know next to nothing about fish, especially ones that glow!"

They jumped in the lift and headed for the balcony suites. Both were assigned rooms on the far end of the east wing.

"You do realize we'll have to repel into the caverns. Are you up for a little bit of a workout?"

Repelling, of course, meant heights. Gulp. "For glow-in-the-dark sushi?" Beverly quipped sarcastically. "I wouldn't miss it for the world!"

"Now, give it a chance. Robert has told me they swim in schools of a hundred and can light up a cave for meters. He'd be quite impressed if he knew we were going to see them."

"Robert?" Beverly asked with new interest.

The turbo doors opened and Katherine led the way, tossing casually over her shoulder. "Captain Engle. I'll meet you back here in fifteen minutes."

Beverly grinned at herself as she entered her quarters. So she wasn't the only CMO on a first-name basis with her captain. Maybe some fishing of her own was in order.

* * *

An hour later by shuttle service, they reached the edge of the Burlese Cliffs. The guide helped them out with their packs and set a rendez-vous time for 1800 hours. Beverly and Katherine strapped into their harnesses and hooked into the pre-placed clips.

The sweat had already begun to form on Beverly's brow. *I can't believe I'm risking my life for a bunch of fish.* With a very deep breath, she swung her legs over the edge. Katherine came over the side a moment later and they began the descent. "So tell me about this 'Robert .'" Crusher needed to keep her mind off the drop.

"Robert? Oh, let's see. He's the captain of the Brittain - this is his first command. He was posted three years ago from the Melbourne."

"Wasn't the Melbourne destroyed at Wolf 359?"

"Yes. He transferred just before the battle. He still feels bad about not being in the fight. He can be rather proud and a little stubborn. Sometimes, I'm not sure he knows what to do with a ship full of scientists. Of course, no one gives him more trouble than I do. I'm sure he's glad for the rest from my company."

"Are you two close?"

Katherine swung to the left into the mouth of the cave and dropped hard to the floor. Keeping her eyes to the ground, she began to undo her harness. Beverly could tell she had touched a nerve. She landed softly and began to help Katherine with the fasteners. "Hey, I didn't mean to get too personal."

"No, you didn't. I'm just a little sensitive. Our relationship is kind of hard to define right now."

"Oh. " Beverly nodded, understanding all too well.

"What about your Captain?" Ferris turned the table. "Picard, right?"

Surely Katherine wasn't asking about their relationship. "Captain Picard?" She repeated tentatively.

"I bet things were a little dicey for him after Wolf."

"Oh. Ah...yes they were." Beverly breathed easier. "He has been through quite a bit." She decided it was a bit premature to volunteer that he spent every other night for a month on her quarter's sofa.

The two women slung their harnesses over their shoulders and made their way through the cave. After about 100 meters of gentle decline, they reached another bluff.

"What now?" Beverly asked, nervously looking down the embankment into blackness.

"Watch." Katherine picked up a small rock and dropped it over the side. Beverly counted to six before she heard the stone hit water. An instant later, a cool light began to emanate in circles outward from the splash. "Ta Daa!"

Within a minute the entire lake was aglow. The whole cavern was lit to reveal its boundaries. Dark stone walls were contrasted by veins of sparkling minerals. The lake, itself, was about fifty meters wide and thirty meters long trailing off in a stream to the rear of the cave. The light from the fish faded off about sixty meters downstream.

"Wow!" Both said in unison.

"Those are some fish!"

"According to the map, we can get a lot closer." Katherine said, picking up her harness.

"You don't mean..."

"Yep. About forty-five meters down is a ledge. Come on! You're doing great. The fish should stay lit long enough for us to make it."

Beverly reluctantly re-attached her climbing belt and looked again over the edge. "I don't see any ledge."

Katherine modified her British tone to an aristocratic snap: "Are you calling my regulation, Starfleet issue, field map a liar?"

"I'm sure that would be treason." Beverly gave in and followed Katherine down.

The climb was slower this time in the muted light. The sound of their efforts echoed through the chamber, bouncing to create a clamor. Nervous sweat began to coalesce on Beverly's brow. She needed a distraction to get her mind off the height.

"Did you know Captain Engle before you were posted?" She inquired tentatively.

"No. Why?" Katherine answered. Her face showed less of the anxiety than with Beverly's earlier query.

"Oh. I was just curious. I know it's tough sometimes being single on a big starship out in the middle of space."

"I thought the Enterprise was a family vessel?"

"It is."

"Your family is not with you?"

"No. My son's off and grown." She could see the question still on Katherine's face. "My husband died when Wesley was very young."

"I'm sorry. It must have been very difficult all by yourself, raising a son and being a Starfleet field doctor. No family either."

Though the two women had spent the entire afternoon talking, they had remained more or less secretive about their personal lives. Now, they seemed to be playing cat and mouse, careful not to breach the subject they both wanted to discuss.

"Well, I'm lucky to have some good friends."

"Still...single, female, CMO...the men you don't intimidate, you out-rank. And if you don't outrank them..."

"Who don't you outrank on a starship?"

"I guess there really is only one person." Katherine dropped her eyes to concentrate on the rope. She felt the ball landing hard in her court. "The Captain. You report to him, yet he has to defer to you. It creates this constant battle of priorities. Mine against his... And the whole ship watches every move we make as if we were under a microscope. It actually makes me paranoid. I can't be alone with him for a second without worrying about what the crew is saying." Her voice trailed off.

Beverly stopped climbing and spoke almost to herself. "You're in love with your captain."

Katherine came to a stop alongside Beverly, not able to meet her gaze. She spoke slowly, "Robert and I..."

She stopped. A low toned rumble echoed above them. Both women looked up, gripping the ropes in anticipation. Suddenly the rock face began to shake. Debris crumbled above showering them with tiny pelts.

"Is it an earthquake?"

"I don't know. Hold on tight!"

The noise grew louder and larger rocks broke free above them. The climbers were bounced against the cliff. Beverly held fast to the rope, ducking her head against the falling stones. The rumbling continued to build, like an approaching storm. They could hear the walls around them shaking with the strain. Below, the lake brightened with agitated fish.

"I can't hold on much longer!"

The thundering rose to a crescendo. Katherine looked up in time to see a massive fireball light up the cavern from the mouth of the cave. Digging her feet into the rock, she thrust back with all her strength. She let go of the rope and grabbed Beverly by the shoulder harness ripping her from the side of the cliff.

Beverly screamed in panic. She scrambled for purchase and came up empty. The blast from the explosion sent her reeling. Katherine still had her by the shoulder as they both fell...and fell...

She lost her breath as they hit the lake. Descending into the cold, she could see the flames meet the surface of the water. If they had stayed on the rockface, they would have been ionized. Reflexively she gasped. Her lungs filled with fluid. And she blacked out.

* * *

Reflexively she gasped. Somehow she had managed to swim to the top. The burnt air stung her lungs, but it was breathable. Thankful for the glow of the fish, she looked around for her partner. She saw nothing. Stilling herself, she took a couple quick breaths and dove below. About ten meters away she saw a shadow. She swam toward it and pulled the limp body to the surface.

Tucking Katherine under her arm, Beverly made her way toward the shore. Above her, she could hear the settling of rock. The pit of her stomach told her their entrance had just been sealed. Gingerly, she drug Katherine up on dry land and retrieved her tricorder from her pack. Scanning the results, she went into action.

"Oh no you don't!" Beverly pulled off both backpacks and rolled Katherine onto her back. Straddling her at the waist, she thrust her hands down and up at the diaphragm. One...two...three...four... In a burst of water, Katherine choked and drew a panicked breath. Beverly rolled her to the side and gave two swift blows to the middle of her back. Katherine choked out more fluid and began to take normal breaths.

After a few minutes, she sat up coughing. "As I'm fond of saying...always travel with a good doctor."

"Believe me, it was the least I could do." Beverly replied. "That fall damn-near killed you, but it saved my life."

* * *

Captain Picard was studying LaForge's plan to re-assign maintenance personnel to a

regular engineering rotation. Casually, he glanced out the window as the ship jumped to warp speed...

On the bridge of the Enterprise, Will Riker hesitated before pushing the signal to the Captain's Ready Room. He took a deep breath.

"Come."

He entered and stopped a few feet short of Picard's desk.

"What can I do for you, Number One?"

Will took another deep breath and sat deep in the chair opposite him.

"Sir."

Picard straightened up. "What is it, Will?"

"Sir, we received an emergency message from the Starbase. There has been an incident on Muretta."

"What kind of an incident?"

"It appears to have been a planet-wide explosion. Our assistance has been requested. I've set a course, Warp 8. We should arrive in two hours." He looked for a reaction on Picard's face but saw only the muscles of his jaw clench.

"Do we have any further information?"

"No Sir. Data is working on it now."

"Very well. I want a senior staff meeting in one hour. Dismissed."

Will rose to leave, then paused. "I'm sure she'll be all right."

Picard turned to look at his console. He gave no response other than to bite harder against his jaw. His eyes stared sharply through the computer screen.

* * *

One hour later, they sat uncomfortably around the conference table. Even Troi knew better than to say anything. The Captain drummed his fingers impatiently. Finally, Data entered.

"Report."

"Captain, it appears that the explosion was a natural disaster." Data moved to the main screen and activated a schematic of the planet. "The atmosphere consists of several inert gases, 20% oxygen and a combination of nitrogen and lorium to form xyliden vapor. This is a highly-unstable compound, easily broken down in an electrical storm." He switched to a graph. "However, due to the regulated climate on the planet, there has been no natural disintegrating for several years. I believe the amount of xyliden increased to a critical amount and was ignited. The result was an explosive planetwide chain-reaction."

Picard watched the simulation of the planet engulfed by flame. "What is the damage?"

"Primary damage from the flash burn appears to have wiped out most of the vegetation and surface animal life. Life support inside even moderate constructs seems to have held, however, the explosion has resulted in a great deal of seismic activity. We have received reports of several structural collapses. All ships in the quadrant have been summoned including the science class USS Brittain. It should arrive first."

"Very well." Picard stood and briskly moved toward the bridge. "Prepare for casualties. Contact me when we arrive. And find Dr. Crusher." The door whooshed behind him.

* * *

"OK, so now is when I tell you how much I hate heights, enclosed spaces and GLOWING FISH!" Beverly kicked the rocks under her feet.

They had been walking deeper into the cave, deducing that the stream that fed the lake had to originate from some planetside source. Besides, there was no way back up the cliff they had fallen from and tricorder readings indicated that the shaft opening was indeed sealed shut. For the last twenty minutes, they walked toward a darkness lit only by the faint glimmer off the water. About thirty meters ahead even the glimmer came to a halt. The water banked up against a solid wall of rock.

Katherine reached for her tricorder and scanned the area. "The stream continues through a tunnel about a meter below the surface. Problem is, I can't tell how far we'd have to swim before we can come up for air."

"Let's think about this for a minute. Maybe we shouldn't be heading deeper. When they come looking for us, they are going to start at the beginning of the cave." Crusher reasoned.

"Um, I hate to break this to you, but they may not come looking anytime soon. For one, we were supposed to be at the symposium. It was most likely destroyed by that explosion. And for two, we were pretty quiet about where we were sneaking off to. They are going to have little reason to assume anything other than our deaths."

"OK," Beverly whined sarcastically. "Enough from the optimism committee."

Ferris sat with a thud. "Ahhhh! What does it matter, anyway?"

Beverly tossed off her pack and sat across from her watching the restiveness build. "We're both exhausted. Let's take a break."

"You think we could actually end our careers in this tomb?" Katherine searched the cave ceiling. "Not very dramatic. I'd always thought I'd perish at the hands of some Romulan disrupter trying to talk my way out of some damn-fool rescue mission into one of Starfleet's patented *protected areas.*"

"If I counted the times I'd faced what I thought was dramatic imminent danger - it just doesn't work that way. Only Klingons die in battle with their eyes open. The rest of us get hit from behind."

"Pretty poetic."

"Yeah, I guess it was." Beverly smiled. "Look, don't worry. Every time I'm sure we're not going to make it, the good guys show up. Besides, it sounds like both our captains are unlikely to settle for our deaths."

Katherine pressed her thumb and forefinger against the bridge of her nose. "You know, I may never see him again."

Beverly could see her friend fighting with mental fatigue. It seemed she was carrying much more weight than the climbing pack she cast to the side. "Sounds like you two have some strong feelings for each other." *Ouch, that sure sounded like one of Deanna's lines.*

Katherine just shrugged and lowered her head. "I'm afraid we don't have anything for each other. It's...it's just impossible in our positions."

"Forget your position. What do you want for yourself."

"I want a nice normal relationship with a nice normal man. Instead, I have a non-existent one with a gun-shy commanding officer. I wish I could just get over it and move on to something more realistic."

"Don't do this to yourself. You've got to resolve these emotions before they consume you." Beverly tried to sound optimistic. "Besides, a relationship with a senior officer is not unprecedented. You just have to work harder at it, lay some ground rules."

"I tried, Beverly!" She threw a rock at the water and the pool began to glow. "I know he feels the same for me. I can tell. But every time I make a move, he backs away."

"Do you know why?"

"A hundred reasons. There are too many factors involved, too much of a past. He was married once before - his wife died from Tsarian Flu. So now he doesn't trust doctors. He doesn't trust anyone. He stays away from any form of commitment."

"Who says you have to start with commitment?"

Katherine was getting defensive. "You can't understand. We've been socially removed from everyone else on the ship for a very long time. We only have each other. He's like my best friend. If things didn't work out, we'd be completely isolated on a ship of two hundred people. It has to be all or none - and I'd rather have things continue as they are than end altogether."

"So you play it safe...and alone? Sounds pretty hollow."

"Gee Doc, don't pull any punches."

Beverly tried to soften her stance. "It's just that you are wasting your life. Doesn't it eat at you to be constantly faced with something you can't have? What if you *don't* ever see him again?"

"Don't think I'm the one hiding. The ball is in his court. I said yes, he said no." She resigned.

Beverly's mind was tickled by a conversation between Jean-Luc and herself.

"So, throw the ball until he says 'yes!'" Then her voice softened. "He just needs you to show him you care enough to take the risk, take the lead."

"Oh, is that all?"

"Yeah, simple."

Both women smiled and sat back mentally and physically spent. A few seconds later, the cavern walls began to vibrate and a low rumble filled the cave. Quickly they scrambled to their feet. "Another explosion?"

"I don't think so. It feels more like an earthquake."

Above them, the ceiling began to crack. First dust, then rock started to fall. The ground shook and the stream glowed in agitation.

"Look out!" A boulder the size of a photon torpedo crashed into the water spraying them on the shore. Instantly, the entire cave was filled with the luminance of provoked fish. "We've got to get out of here!"

Katherine looked at Beverly, down into the water, and back. "This is our only chance. Let's go while there is light."

"Are you kidding? We have no idea how far we'd have to swim for air! The tunnel may go on forever!"

"Do you want to wait for the roof to cave in?" The rock whined and cracked as if to prove her point. "Look, I'm not going without you!"

The cavern was filled with the sound of rock slides. Beverly shuddered and moved toward the edge of the pool contemplating. Katherine moved next to her and put a calming hand on her shoulder. "Just don't panic. Picture the opening on the other side and swim to it."

"Oh, is that all?"

"Yeah, simple." Katherine smiled nervously.

Beverly looked over at the two packs sitting on the shore. She knew she couldn't make it with anything in tow. Leaving her medkit and tricorder behind would definitely raise the stakes. Katherine shook her head. "We've gotta go."

Beverly closed her eyes and tried to center herself. Her hands were shaking at her sides. *Dammit* she cursed as the roof above her continued to crumble. After five quick breaths, she dove in.

* * *

"Captain. We have reached Muretta. The captain of the Brittain is hailing us."

"On screen."

"Captain Picard," The dark-haired man nodded in obeisance, "Captain Robert Engle of the USS Brittain. My ship arrived about two hours ago. We have away teams on the surface, however, they are confined to searching the intact structures."

Picard summed up the man before him. Despite their even ranks, he addressed Picard as his superior. The bridge behind him was a flurry of activity. Perhaps the younger man was a little out of his league. He stood poised, yet rigid. Picard wondered if he was bluffing his ability to handle the situation at hand. "Why is that?"

"Our readings show unstable ionization in the planetside atmosphere. It will be days before it settles." He shrugged. "I'm afraid my staff informs me that there is little chance of anyone surviving the blast unprotected. Meanwhile, we can use all the help we can get with the survivors in the main city."

"What is their condition?"

"There are heavy casualties, quite a bit of structural damage." Ferris cleared his throat with a sharp cough. "You are aware, captain, there was a Starfleet medical conference in progress?"

"Yes."

Troi flinched in her seat. She could sense the familiar concern in Picard for the safety of the ship's doctor. What she did not expect was the mirrored emotions in the captain of the Brittain. Both men brewed with a mixture of fear, guilt and worry for their missing crewmen.

Picard turned toward the officer at OPS. "Data, better get started on tracking the atmosphere. Number One, you've got rescue duty. Prep sickbay and start recruiting personnel for a search. We're it until another ship arrives. It's going to take us all to evacuate the station."

* * *

Katherine's lungs were about to burst. She could feel the current speed up as she struggled to the surface. Reaching with her hands she burst upward and gasped. Air. Sweet, cool air.

A second later Beverly came up and floated past her. She could hear the rush of the river and the crashing water against rocks. Against the flow, she twisted her body toward the sound. About twenty meters ahead the glowing stream dropped off the side of a cliff.

"Waterfall!" They yelled in unison and began a fight upstream. It was pointless. The current had them and Beverly knew it. The only hope she could see was a climber's rope strung tightly across the chasm. With a desperate lunge, she threw herself over the edge toward it. She grabbed it.

A moment later Katherine caught Beverly by the leg. The rope sagged beneath the weight and Crusher struggled with her grip. More than 100 meters below, the water broke its fall on a pile of sharp rocks.

"Hang on!" Beverly cried out. "Don't swing. I've got to get you up to the rope."

With a straining grunt, she bent her leg upward at the knee and lifted with all her strength. Katherine wrapped her right arm around her calf and lunged up with her left - grabbing the utility belt at Crusher's waist. They took a moment to adjust to the new position and then Beverly felt the rope cut into her hands as her partner drug her way up her back and arms to finally gain her own grip.

Both women let out an exhausted sigh. "That was pretty close."

* * *

Picard sat alone in his Ready Room facing the viewscreen on his desk. he was again speaking with Captain Engle. This time he looked tense, flighty.

"Captain Picard, we have identified the survivors from the symposium. I regret that we were not able to help all of them. I'll transmit a list of the dead to Starfleet."

"May I see that list, Captain?" He tried not to show the surge of panic that spread through his system.

"Of course."

Picard gripped the arms of his chair in a physical effort to remain in his seat as the viewscreen split to display a scroll of some dozen names...no Beverly. He relaxed and leaned back, his confidence returning. "Well then, I wonder if you might help me contact our CMO. She's probably not aware that we are here - Dr. Beverly Crusher."

Engle dropped his gaze from the screen. "Captain, I didn't say that we had accounted for everyone."

"Do you have a list of those missing?"

"It's a short list, but it affects us both." He paused. "It seems you and I are in the same boat. Neither of our CMOs have been located."

"Is it possible that they were together?"

"Yes, actually. A transport pilot said he took two doctors from the base accommodations to some sightseeing area North of the city. They were exploring a series of caverns which have since collapsed."

Picard gulped. "Give me the coordinates."

* * *

Data remodulated the scanners for the eighth time. He was still unable to penetrate the mineral rock that composed the channel of caves. He could not assure the captain that the structure had any remaining pockets let alone identify life signs - as a matter of fact, he couldn't confirm anything. With an un-andriod-like sigh he moved toward the Ready Room to give his report.

Picard listened impassively, asked several questions and dismissed the second officer. He tapped his desk control and again met the face of Captain Engle.

"I'm afraid our sensors are unable to break through the interference at this time. We cannot confirm anything other than an opening about two miles East of the cliff they were dropped off."

Engle nodded. "That's a start. I'll send a team down immediately."

"Wait a minute, Captain. The area is still highly unstable. My science officer has detected a lot of seismic activity and as you yourself reported there is still a good chance of another explosion."

"All the more reason to get down there. If they are still alive those caves could collapse at any time."

Picard didn't like the options. "I realize that. But it is not safe. We will have to wait."

"Like Hell we will. We've got to get a search party down there immediately."

Picard raised his voice slightly, flexing his authority in this mission. "We cannot risk unprotected away teams outside of the stable structures."

Captain Engle squirmed in his chair. He wanted to scream at the man's inaction. "Fine Captain. You're in charge of your ship. I'm in charge of mine."

Picard didn't want to have to pull rank, but he was afraid this man would leave him little choice. He, too, was very concerned for his CMO, however, the other captain seemed suddenly near irrational. "You know I can't let you send a team into those conditions. What if there were another explosion and they all died? How many lives are you willing to risk to save one man?"

Engle dropped his head and spoke in a low tone. "I don't expect you to understand, but my chief medical officer...*she* is worth everything to me and I can't let anything happen to her without letting her know that."

After a long pause, he lifted his eyes and Picard saw the raw emotion of a man on the verge of tears. "Since it is too risky for the crew, I'll go myself."

Picard was taken aback by the man's confession. He was forced to confront the possibility of his own loss and found he had no less bitter taste for it. For some fool reason, he just assumed that Beverly would be rescued and join him for a late dinner in his cabin. The realization that she may already be dead hit him like a ton of bricks.

"No you won't go down there by yourself...I'm going with you."

* * *

Beverly looked back across the ravine and sighed. "You realize we just keep getting deeper and deeper into trouble."

"Well, it's not as if we are doing it on purpose. How are your hands?"

"They're OK. I'm just reminded that we lost our medkits on the last one."

Katherine winked. "Good thing I'm traveling with the grand-daughter of a famous herbalist."

Crusher shrugged and motioned to the surrounding walls of featureless smooth gray rock. "Sorry to disappoint you but I'm not exactly versed in the medicinal value of ground igneous stone. You'd better not rely on me to get you out of this one."

Ferris smiled tiredly then looked around becoming much more serious. She got up and walked to the edge of the cliff. The stream led a short distance to a pool on the right and downstream further to the left until it entered a tunnel with a ceiling half as high as the ridge they were on.

She turned back to Crusher. "If we are going to keep following the river, we are going to have to make it down the side of this cliff."

'Why did I know you were going to say that?" Crusher shook her head. "I don't think I can make it."

"Sure you can. I bet you didn't think you could do half of what we've already done."

Beverly was beginning to show her own fatigue and frustration. "Look, I barely made it with a full harness. We have absolutely no equipment. You're asking me to do something I'm just not able to."

"You CAN do it. I'll show you how. Besides, it's a lot easier to free-climb down than up anyway and the rockface has lots of good handholds."

Crusher shook her head and rested her forehead in the palms of her hands running her fingers over the top of her scalp as she began to feel the anger build in her.

Ferris continued in support of her plan. "The only light is coming from the stream, anyway. We can't exactly wander around in the dark up here looking for a safety hatch. I still think the river has to flow out somewhere. We just need to..."

Crusher sprang to her feet and charged toward her. "JUST STOP IT, ALRIGHT?! This is not some cadet obstacle course! They are looking for us. The farther away from the entrance we go the tougher it is going to be for them!"

Ferris recoiled a bit at the shock. "Who exactly do you think is coming to our rescue? If you hadn't noticed, we're in the middle of a natural disaster! I don't think the lives of two wayward doctors who played hooky from class are tops on their list!"

The two women glared at each other nose to nose. "Look, Katherine, I'm sorry things are not working out for you, but you don't own the market on relationships with commanding officers! I know for a fact that Jean-Luc is out there searching for me and I don't want to make it any harder for him to find me!"

Katherine hadn't even considered that this other woman was involved with her captain, too. The understanding brought on a wave of jealousy. "So Prince Charming is going to ride in and rescue you on his white horse? No wonder you are so full of advice! I'm sorry to have disturbed your perfect world!"

She turned from Crusher and walked along the edge of the cliff. Beverly went back to her seat on the rocks and took several deep breaths.

* * *

"Captain, you realize that is completely out of the question." The first officer took a seat across from Picard.

"Will, I've got to keep an eye on this guy. He's pretty obsessed with finding his CMO. Time's running out and he's willing to risk his own life to find her."

"Is that so?" A knowing smirk formed on Riker's face.

"It's not what you think."

"With all due respect, I think it is." He was trying to be supportive. "We are all worried about Beverly. Just give us a little more time to get a sensor reading or at least get a handle on the seismic patterns."

Picard leaned forward and rubbed his eyebrows. "Will, he's going to go now - alone if he has to. I can't risk sending any of the crew. Besides, I know how he feels. I've left a few important things unsaid myself." He paused. "Log your opposition to this - cover yourself with Starfleet. Heck, tell them I knocked you out and jumped ship - but don't stop me from going."

Riker admired the rare show of vulnerability and passion. In the years he had spent serving this captain he had developed a feel for when and when not to push the matter. He nodded. "I'll have Worf make up a couple of packs of equipment and see if Geordie can find some way to boost a signal to your communicator."

The captain looked at him thoughtfully. "Thank you."

"Don't thank me - I'm knocked unconscious on the bridge."

* * *

Beverly was still rubbing her temples when Katherine took a seat across from her. She looked up at the blonde woman and tried to ease the tension that had built between them. "I'm sorry I lost my temper. If it weren't for you I'd have never made it this far. I guess I'm just used to being the one in charge - and I'm afraid I'm the one holding us back." She shook her matted hair. "Besides, I'm so damned tired of being wet!"

Katherine was silent staring at her feet.

Crusher reached out and gave her hand a squeeze. "I'm sure *both* of our captains are looking for us. And for the record...I don't live in that perfect world. My relationship with Jean-Luc is in many ways a complete disaster. In truth, I've given you all of the advice I've been too frightened to follow myself."

Ferris looked up at her and smiled sarcastically. "Oh really?"

"Yeah. He's been putting the ball in my court for months, and I'm too scared to even play the game."

"Oh really?"

"You said that."

"Yeah, but I'm trying to figure this all out," she scratched the side of her head. "Let me see if I have this straight...I want to have a relationship with my captain, but he won't commit to me. Your captain wants to have a relationship with you, but *you* won't commit to him?"

Beverly nodded guiltily.

"This is insane! All this time you've just been giving me the advice you wish your captain would follow."

"I never thought of it that way."

"But that's it - you're telling me to take the risk, the leap of faith, be persistent. That's what you want from him. Don't you realize how selfish that is?"

Beverly was defensive. "Yeah, but..."

"But nothing! You're just like Robert. You're scared and too proud to admit it, so you avoid the situation entirely - all the while convincing yourself the *other* person is preventing the relationship from happening."

"Gee Doc, don't pull any punches."

"Well dammit, can't you see what you're putting us through? You have seen all our cards and we can only sit around and guess at what you're hiding in your hand. We're the ones who are opening ourselves up to rejection and you guys expect us to leave that door open until you've checked everything out."

They sat in silence for a few moments. Ferris' accusations hung in the air. Crusher couldn't help but see the truth in them. "I'm sorry," was all she could offer.

"No, it's OK. It's just that now I know I have to stand up to Robert. Either we're going to take the risk together or there is nothing to build the relationship on in the first place. He has to realize that if he continues to wait to express his feelings the opportunity may be lost forever."

Crusher let out a deep sigh. "You may not get the opportunity to tell him that if we don't manage to get ourselves out of here."

"You're changing the subject, but you have a good point. - I'll let you off the hook because I have an idea - and you're not going to like it," Ferris got up and walked toward the ledge. "I'm going to go back across to the other side and cut the rope. That way you can use it to climb down. I'll climb down by hand."

"You're right. I don't like it. Are you sure you can make it without a rope?"

"Yes. I really think we need to follow the stream. It can't stay underground forever. It has to come out somewhere." Katherine reasoned.

* * *

Picard and Engle materialized on a thin flat ridge between two slants of recently created rockslides. About twenty meters ahead was a river wash leading out from the side of the hill. Rivulets of water seeped from between the fallen boulders to form a small stream which ran down the center of much wider banks.

Engle started toward it. "I'd say that is our entrance."

As they came up to the area, Picard pulled out his tricorder and scanned. "I'm not getting a signal. There is too much ionization in the atmosphere. And we're going to have to move these rocks by hand. A phaser discharge is libel to set off another chain reaction explosion."

"Well, nobody said it was going to be easy." Engle bent down and got to work.

Robert Engle was a good fifteen years younger than him, Picard thought. On the surface, he appeared to have much more in common with Riker than himself. But Picard could see the stress of years spent in command. Being ultimately in charge of the lives of others put a unique strain on a man. Being ultimately in charge of the life of someone you loved could take you to the breaking point. Engle was clearly there. Picard set down his pack and started moving rocks.

"You know, Dr. Crusher has had special training in this type of terrain," he tried to think positively. "They may have already found there way out."

"How long has Crusher been your CMO?"

"About 7 years. Do you know her?"

"Remember, I run a medical ship. I've seen her name on quite a few reports. Seen file photos, too," he winked. "Is she the reason you left your post on the Federation's flagship to join me on a rescue mission?"

Picard smiled and winked back. "When you meet her, you'll understand. What's your excuse?"

"Katherine Ferris. The last chance at happiness a cynical old man like me has. I've been pushing my luck with her for years and I intend to set things straight the moment we find her."

"I guess I should have packed a couple of cigars."

"I only hope I haven't blown my shot. Have you ever been married?"

Picard shook his head.

"My first wife died."

Picard let out a grunt as he shifted a large rock from the hill. "And you're willing to go through it all again?"

"I didn't think I was. Besides my wife, there is only one other person in the universe I can image spending my life with. Up until now, I've fooled myself into thinking that if we just kept a friendly relationship, I wouldn't have to go through the agony if something ever happened to her. Truth is - it would be a hell of a lot worse if I lost her without ever letting her know how I felt. I plan on spending each of the rest of my days making my feelings clear."

"I see," Picard replied coolly. He didn't want to talk about this subject anymore. He was beginning to feel quite uncomfortable about his own state of affairs.

"Why don't you get off your duff and make it a double wedding?"

Picard shook his head and smiled. "Let's just find them first."

For the next 30 minutes, they cleared away rock making an opening large enough and safe enough to survive as an exit. The release in pressure had created a sizable flow of water. Beacons in hand, they waded into the cave and across to a bank.

* * *

As Crusher sat on the edge of the cliff watching Ferris navigate the rope back across the ravine, her thoughts wandered to Picard. She felt very guilty for the times she had rebuked or ignored his subtle and not-so-subtle advances. Yet memories flashed before her of all the times she had flirted with him then backed away. Suddenly, her little games didn't seem so innocent. She could see how unfair she had been.

*If I ever get out of this...* she thought. *If I ever get out of this...what?* Katherine was right, one day the opportunity *would* be lost forever. She knew how she felt toward Jean-Luc and she deserved the very ultimatum Captain Engle was sure to get from Katherine.

'Ready?" Katherine yelled from the other side. She cut the end of the rope and watched it swing back toward Crusher. "I'll race you to the bottom!"

"Very funny! Maybe you should wait until I'm down before you start."

"Why? So you can catch me? Don't worry. Just concentrate on what you're doing and we'll be out of here before you know it."

Crusher watched as Ferris started her way down the rockface systematically feeling for foot and hand holds. She was, indeed, making good time. After another few moments, Crusher put on her gloves and started down herself. She stared directly ahead, trying not to look down. In time, she had developed a nice rhythm.

Right foot, left foot, slide down the rope...

Right foot, left foot, slide down the rope...

The next fifteen minutes felt like an eternity. Beverly's arms ached with fatigue. She could only imagine how Katherine was holding up. Ever so slowly she looked down at her progress. Another twenty meters. Just then the rope began to shake. Another aftershock.

Beverly lost her footing and her body slammed against the cliff. She gripped the rope for all she was worth. Behind her, she heard Katherine scream.

* * *

Picard and Engle pressed up against the wall of the cave as rocks from the ceiling splashed into the stream. They had gotten about two hundred meters from the exit. Suddenly, the cave got brighter.

"Look at that!" Picard pointed at the water.

The rumbling stopped. "Yeah, Ameiruridae photinus - the glowfish. Pretty neat." He kneeled down and inspected the nearby swimmers. "The tremor must have agitated them."

"Well, it agitated me, too. Let's get moving. The sooner we find the doctors, the sooner we can all get on stable ground."

A wave of nausea overcame Crusher with the dull thud of Katherine's body against the sandy bank. Frantic, she slid down the rope to its end and dropping the last five meters. On solid ground, she spun toward the river, dove in and swam for the opposite side. In seconds, she closed the distance to her fallen friend.

Katherine looked up at her without moving and grinned. "That sure knocked the wind out of me."

Crusher ripped off her gloves and ran her hands over her patient. There didn't appear to be any major breaks, but without a tricorder she was on her own. "Damnit! I don't even know where to start. Can you wiggle your fingers and toes?"

"Yeah. I think I'm OK. I just need to catch my breath."

"Lay still for a minute." Crusher gently rolled her head to the side and checked her ears for blood then felt for the strength of her pulse. As best she could tell, there were no major injuries. "You've got to stop taking the shortcut down."

"Not my choice, doctor. Let me try and sit up" Gingerly she propped herself up onto her elbows. "My neck is stiff."

"I'll bet. Maybe we should stay here and get some rest before we move on."

"No, I'll be OK." Ferris leaned forward to get up. "This place is beginning to give me the creeps..." As she raised her head the cave started spinning. She closed her eyes and quickly laid back down on the sand. "...then again..."

Beverly covered Katherine's eyes and threw a stone into the stream. As the cave lit up she removed her hand and timed Katherine's pupillary response. It was very slow. "Doctor, I'd say you have a concussion."

"Yeah. I think you're right." Katherine answered quietly.

"Do you feel sleepy?"

"Yeah."

"What else?"

"Getting hard to breath...chest is tight..."

Warning bells went off in Crusher's head. She reached over and palpated Katherine's abdomen. It was hard and distended. She leaned over her face and saw pupils now fixed. Katherine groaned in pain. Again Beverly checked her pulse. This time it was weaker. Things were beginning to look very bad.

Crusher looked around her in a panic. Everything was happening too quickly. There were no diagnostic tools, no hyposprays, no tissue regenerators. Her friend was about to die from internal bleeding and there was nothing she could do. She grabbed her hand and squeezed.

Again, Katherine groaned. "Oh man, I was afraid of this... There can't be anything worse than knowing exactly what is going wrong with your body and not being able to do a damn thing about it." Crusher could feel Katherine's hands begin to shake. "I'd say it was a major blood vessel superior to the heart. I can feel the pressure building in my head."

"Shhhh," Beverly whispered. "Don't think about it."

"What else is there?" Tears welled in the bottom of her eyes. "You know as well as I do, I've got about five or 10 minutes at best."

"I know. I know. I just don't know what to do!"

"There is nothing you *can* do. I guess we could use your Prince Charming about now." Katherine's eyes fluttered shut and she took in a deep breath. Beverly squeezed her hand again.

"Come on. Hang in there. Don't leave me alone in this forsaken place." She knew full well there was nothing she could do to stop the bleeding.

Katherine opened her eyes halfway. Her speech was beginning to slur. "Bev, you've got to make it out of here. You've got to find Robert. Tell him..." She drifted off.

"Tell him what?" Beverly shook her gently. "What Katherine?"

She opened her eyes wider and stared into space. "I can't see anything. My head is throbbing."

Beverly shook her again and half yelled. "Katherine! What am I supposed to tell Robert?"

"Tell him..." Her eyes went blank.

"Katherine?" She patted the side of her face. "Katherine? Katherine!" Beverly raised their clasped hands to her face and grit her teeth.

"NOOOOO!" Crusher threw her head back in frustration.

* * *

"I asked for Picard."

"Admiral Dunstin, I am Cmdr William Riker, First Officer of the Enterprise. Captain Picard has asked me to oversee the evacuation of the major areas. I am pleased to report that we have identified most of the Starfleet personnel and are shuttling them to Starbase 325 as we speak." He tried to preempt the Admiral's concerns in hopes of diverting him from asking about the Captain's whereabouts.

"What is the status of the planet?"

"Our science officer is working on a model for controlled burns of the excess compounds. Once we have the atmosphere back to normal levels, we can construct a procedure for monitoring and processing the unstable gas as it is created."

"Very good. It seems you have things well in hand."

Riker let out a deep breath and the crew relaxed around him.

"I do need your help in one other matter."

All eyes moved to Riker as his shoulders tensed back up. "What would that be, Sir?"

"It seems the Captain of the Brittain has taken it upon himself to beam down to the planet. Would you kindly retrieve him and get him back to his ship?"

Riker's eyes twinkled with a sly grin. "Yes, Sir. I'll put my best man on it."

* * *

Engle and Picard looked at each other. "Did you hear that?"

"It had to have been them."

They quickened their pace along the bank.

It took them more than fifteen minutes just to get within sight of the cave opening. The stream's current grew quicker and they could hear the steady drum of a waterfall. The churning water created a runway of light made by the river of concentrated fish.

"It must open up ahead. Let's get to the waterfall and see if we can get a signal."

Engle moved to the lead as they approached the last forty meters to the opening. The sound of crashing water echoed off the walls. "This place is huge!" He strained to see into the cavern. He couldn't see the ceiling, just two sheer cliffs on either side of the stream. The banks were scattered with large chunks of jagged rock, no doubt fallen from the walls during the quakes.

He stopped so suddenly Picard nearly smashed into the back of him. "What is it?"

About ten meters past the opening of the cave, he saw a boot peeking out behind the rocks. "Shhhh! I think we've found them." Engle trotted off quietly with a big grin on his face.

Picard let him hurry ahead to his fun. Sneaking up on the girls was just not his style. He watched as the captain stepped into the cavern and stopped, looking off to is left.

Nothing was said, but Picard saw the smile drop from the younger man's face. He ran forward as Engle scrambled off to the pile of rocks. Picard skidded to a stop and spun to his left.

Beverly Crusher was sitting up against the side of the cliff with her knees pulled up to her chin. She was soaking wet and her hair dripped from her bowed head.

"Beverly?" He whispered her name, fear gripping him that she might not respond. To his relief, he saw she was shivering. He stood still as she slowly raised her head. Her tired eyes met his and a flood of unspoken thoughts passed between them.

He had seen this look before and he understood all too well - this was the look she had when she informed him that a crewmember had died despite her best efforts. Indeed, he could hear Engle's sounds of anguish from behind the rocks. Picard slowly walked towards her and knelt down.

He opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out. Beverly blinked lethargically and shook her head. He sat down beside her and pulled her toward him. He folded his arms around her trying to stay her shivers. For several minutes, they just rocked gently listening to the sobbing of Captain Engle for his lost love.

Picard kissed Beverly on the forehead and moved to get up. She watched as he walked around the pile of rocks.

Engle was sitting on the ground with Katherine's head in his lap. He stroked the blonde hair from the side of her face and whispered endearments. The woman looked peaceful and rested.

"I'm so sorry." Picard offered with true understanding.

Engle looked up at him. "Isn't she beautiful?"

"Yes," Picard answered. "I'm sure she was an amazing woman."

Just then Crusher walked up behind Picard and embraced his arm, resting her head wearily on his shoulder. "She loved you very much." She said to the captain. "And she saved my life."

Looking at Picard and his prize doctor - alive and safe at his side, a nerve snapped deep within him. In a flash, Engle launched from his position and plowed past Picard into Crusher. He slammed her body into the cliff wall. "WHY THE HELL COULDN'T YOU SAVE HER? You're supposed to be the best in the fleet! Why did you let her die?"

Picard rushed to them trying to claw Engle's hands from Crusher's throat. He smashed his fist into the man's side. Engle stumbled away and Beverly slid to the ground gasping. Growling, he turned back toward Picard.

"It's not fair! How come you win? How come you get your love back? How come you get the second chance? I'm the one who demanded we find them! I would have come here by myself. This was my chance to make things right. How come I can't tell her I love her? How come I lose the chance?" Engle dropped to his knees and wailed out his misery.

Picard stared at the man for a long moment. There was nothing he could say. The truth was that at this very moment he was thanking the gods that he was not the one on his knees. What room he had in his heart for compassion was filled with an overwhelming sense of relief. At that moment he heard Crusher choke out a cough behind him. He turned and helped her up from the ground.

"Are you OK?"

She nodded wearily and he took her in his arms more to hold her up than anything else. "Let's go home."

* * *

Picard filed his report to Admiral Dunstin and switched off the computer. He stood from behind the desk, pulled down his uniform top and exited the Ready Room. He held up his hand as Riker started to get up from the command chair.

"The Admiral was not too thrilled with your slight of hand, Will. But it seems you are far down on his list of derelicts."

Riker smiled. "I do hang with a pretty mean crowd."

"Well, this part of the crowd is calling it a night." He turned and stepped into the turbolift.

"Goodnight Captain." Will called after him.

Picard watched the turbolift doors slide shut and paused before ordering its destination. After a slight nod of his head, he sent it toward his quarters on Deck 6. "Computer. Location of Dr. Crusher?"

"Doctor Beverly Crusher is located on Deck 13 Cetacean Navigation Labs."

Now that's an odd place Picard thought to himself as he entered his rooms. He crossed to his desk and called up the location on his computer. According to the readout, the lab had been closed until the morning shift. Quickly, he showered, shaved and put on a comfortable pair of baggy pants and top. He slapped on an extra dose of cologne and headed toward CNL.

As the doors slid open he spotted Beverly sitting on a bench with her lab coat folded neatly beside her. She was staring out at the massive glass wall behind which swam a variety of whales, dolphins and colorful fish. Maybe this wasn't such an odd place to find her after all. Though he was certain she knew he was there, she didn't turn her head as he made his way through the lab to stand behind her.

He placed his hands on her shoulders. She said nothing. After a moment, he began to squeeze the tight muscles he found there. Crusher dropped her head down and sighed. Slowly, he worked his hands over her shoulders and upper arms. He could feel the tension ebb as he gently worked through the strain. Such a comforting thing, but he realized that neither of them had circumstances in their days to be simply touched. As he ran his strong thumbs under her hair along the spine of her neck, his gentle massage became more of a caress. This was more than he had ever touched her in his life and his body longed for the contact.

When she had had enough she tilted her head back to look at him. She smiled warmly, and he placed a playful kiss on the end of her nose. Then he moved to straddle the bench next to her. He stared at her profile while she continued to watch the sea animals swimming before her. She spoke without looking at him.

"You can't imagine what we went through together. I feel like I've been beaten. Not just physically, but mentally and emotionally. We fought through so much…" Picard laid a hand on her thigh. "I can't believe she's dead."

Crusher looked down at her hands rubbing her thumb across the slight scars that persisted on her palms. "You know, we talked through quite a few parallels in our lives. It seems we had a lot of the same issues to resolve. She was so set on changing things. All she wanted to do was get back and..." She shook her head.

"I know, Beverly." Picard reached for her hand. "It's odd how you can see things so clearly in others and be blind to them in yourself. How many times have we been separated? How often has one of us been in real jeopardy? And how many times have we stoically carried on, taking for granted that things would be fine? Captain Engle would have stopped at nothing to find Dr. Ferris." He paused. "And I'd have considered his actions irrational if his feelings hadn't so closely mirrored mine. I was jealous of him. Jealous that he had known when to risk hiding his need for what was most important to him." Picard sighed in resolution. "If they had only more time..."

Slowly, Beverly turned to look into his eyes, her voice almost a whisper. "Jean-Luc, we do have more time."

"I know." He stood and reached for her hands. "Come on." She grabbed her lab coat as he led her from the lab down the corridor. They stopped in front of an empty crew quarter and Picard pulled her inside. The room was dark except for the wash of starlight from the overhead window. For a moment they just stood there.

"Can I get you something to drink?"

"Sure, anything." Crusher moved to lay her coat across the arm of the sofa.

Picard went to the replicator and met her with two glasses. She took a sip from hers and felt the sting of brandy on her throat.

"Did I ever tell you of the Picard talent for wine-tasting?" He said with a nervous grin.

"No. I don't think you have."

Picard set down his glass and moved toward her. He reached for her chin, gently pulled her lips apart and kissed her full, searching for the taste of the wine. He was relieved that she cooperated. When he broke contact with her, he smiled again a little less nervous. "Now that is a fine vintage."

Crusher smiled back then dropped her eyes. "Jean-Luc, are you sure this is the right..."

Picard put a finger to her lips. "Come sit down." He led them on to the sofa. "Beverly, we've been here many times before. One day we are not going to have another chance. Let's make this as simple as we can." Picard swallowed hard and held her hands. "I love you. Do you love me?"

That *was* simple. Once again, he had taken the first step. How was she going to react? She heard Katherine's voice confronting her with the truth of her actions. Then she saw Robert Engle holding the body of the woman he had pushed away one time too many. Her chest tightened with fear. "Yes, Lean-Luc. I love you."

He let out the breath he hadn't realized he had been holding. He reached for his glass and took a healthy swig. "Don't think I'm not scared. As a matter of fact I think I just conquered my greatest fear. Gul Madred has nothing on you."

"What?"

"No - that's not what I mean. It's just that I think I would rather face his torture than another rejection from you."

Crusher flinched, a wave of guilt passing through her. "Jean-Luc, I know I have not been very fair to you. I can see that I have had things both ways, and I realize how much I have played with your emotions." She took a deep breath and let it out. "It's time to show you how brave I can be."

Picard's voice dropped even lower. "And just how brave is that, Doctor?"

Crusher reached for her glass and mimicked Picard's gulp. Then she set it down and leaned in toward him. "Let me make sure I have the technique down."

She reached for his chin and kissed him as he had kissed her earlier. Indeed she tasted the brandy a bit sweeter in his mouth than hers. But she did not stop there. Her hand wandered up under his shirt and around his back. Her mouth continued to explore his, surfacing only to trail along his jaw to the side of his neck.

"Oh Beverly..." Picard breathed as his own hands began to wander across her body. He longed to touch more than uniform, but she pulled back when he reached for the stays of her jumper top.

"Jean-Luc, whose quarters are these anyway?"

"They are unassigned. I thought you might appreciate neutral ground."

She closed her eyes. "We're really going through with this?"

He kissed her gently. "Only if it is what you want."

She opened her eyes and smiled. He looked even more nervous than she felt. "I do love you."

"Than what could we possibly have to worry about?"

She rose off the sofa and lead him toward the quarter's bedroom. "How about being on time to tomorrow's staff meeting?"

He smiled and took her into his arms kissing her hungrily and backing them up until her legs rested against the bed. He reached behind her back and unfastened her top. She struggled to loosen his as well. In short time they both fell aside. For a moment he looked admiringly down the front of her then pulled her close to feel the flesh on flesh contact. Supporting her back he eased her down onto the bed.

As he kissed her neck he reached between them to touch the breasts he had dreamed of caressing. He could feel her shudder nervously, but she continued to hold him close to her, kissing him deeply. Ever so slowly they began to explore each other.

At length, Picard slid off the bed and removed first hers than his boots. Crusher slid higher up onto the bed and watched as Picard crawled up her legs to plant tiny kisses on her stomach. She hoped he could not feel her heart beating out of her chest as he made his way toward her breasts. Though she longed to enjoy the feel of his mouth on her, a large portion of her brain could not register what was finally happening. Her mind struggled to catch up as he pulled to remove the last of her uniform.

Picard for his part was just as nervous. He wondered if he could get through the entire night with his eyes closed. While he tried to avoid eye contact with her, he couldn't keep his gaze from her body. When he reached down to help her get his pants off, he blushed at the sight of her. Languidly, he ran his hand down the length of her dancer's leg and pulled up at the knee.

This was it. He brought his body down onto her and positioned himself at her opening. He tried to bury his face against the pillow, but she grabbed the sides of his head and forced him to look at her. They locked eyes.

Ever so slowly he began to enter her. Every nerve was focused on the event. They willed their eyes toward each other until the intimate contact forced them to blink them shut and let out a collective shudder. So much had lead up to this moment that neither of them was sure they could survive the reality.

When he finally reached his full length, Picard had to hold himself very still to regain control. Beneath him, he could feel Beverly fighting not to hyperventilate with deep repeated breaths. He leaned down to kiss her as he slowly began to move.

Beverly lay awake under the cover of Jean-Luc's strong embrace. She had thought of what it would be like to make love with Jean-Luc, but never had she envisioned what they had just shared. This had not been a night of unbridled passion - though she was sure that would one day come. This was the overcoming of barriers. The establishment of trust. Or, as she more thoroughly considered, the beginning of that path. While this night had changed their lives in a way she had often fantasized about, it was the morning after and the next day and a year from now that gave her most concern.

Crusher listened to Picard's steady breath against her hair. How was he going to deal with this? More importantly, how was *she* going to deal with this? Ever so gently, she slid out from under his arm and sat up on the edge of the bed.

A smirk crossed her lips as she looked at the pile of discarded clothing on the floor. A part of her felt like a cadet again - certainly not the matronly officer and mother of a grown child that she was. She looked out the portal at the stream of stars thinking of her son. He would no doubt get a big thrill out of this development. She only wished she could tell him. Then she thought of all the people she could tell but wasn't too eager – Troi, Riker, Ogawa. Though she felt happy and a bit relieved at what had finally occurred between her and the Captain, she couldn't help but also think they had created a big mess.

Beverly flinched at the feeling of Jean-Luc fingers across her back. He nudged closer toward her until his body was cradled around her and began to trace figures along her shoulders.

"If I know you as well as I think I do, you have already begun to script out your actions for the next 24 hrs. As a matter of fact, I'll bet you've already considered every possible scenario from declaring this whole liaison a mistake to planning our wedding."

She twisted her body to stroke his shoulder. "Jean-Luc, that's ridiculous! You haven't even asked me to marry you."

He kissed her on the thigh and hugged close to her. "I know you're concerned. You should be. This is a big change. But I promise you, we'll be happy."

She leaned down to kiss him. He pulled her across to the other side of the bed and rolled on top of her. When he pulled back to look at her, he still saw the worry on her face. "What can I do to make this easier for you?"

"Just one small thing."

"Anything for you."

She smiled. "You tell Deanna."


End file.
